Beneath The Surface

Being raw, being open, being vulnerable.

A trait we all crave in this world filled with highlight reels

But one of the hardest because we have to admit.

Admit that we don’t have it all together

That at times we aren’t who we portray to be

Being open is a risk. You never know what you will get.

Supporters or haters.

Relators or judgers.

But that’s the beauty of vulnerability.

It’s intentions aren’t to draw a huge crowd, but sometimes it does.

At it’s core, it’s to relate to one other soul

To let them know that this life may be difficult, but don’t give up, don’t give in.

Going Beneath The Surface, Katie Obi Obasi

Something I’ve been wrestling with is entertaining lies from the enemy. And I say the enemy because one, I know God sure didn’t whisper such thoughts and two, I feel like people get afraid to say Satan.

Fear doesn’t come from God.

Self hate doesn’t come from God

Anxiety doesn’t come from God

Depression doesn’t come from God


Here is what I don’t like FEELING

insignificant in this big world full of creative minds and interesting stories.

like the worlds problems are too much to overcome

that I can’t make a huge impact as us world changers yearn to do

boxed into ideals that don’t hold much ground, but just breeds from ignorance and other things

lost, confused, hopeless

dreamless, unmotivated, empty

mistaken, undermined because of my gender, looked over because of my color

seen as unqualified because of my age, laughed at because of ambitions

ignored because of my generation, discarded because of my faith

I don’t like feeling unloved

sometimes we forget that we are humans and humans need basic necessity like shelter, food, water

but we are creatures created to love and receive love.

We have been offered this identity that doesn’t carry any negative connotation

doesn’t ever come short of who we truly are

but many wander on this path we describe as life, alone, afraid, nervous

begin to engage in defensive ways

trying to protect false identities, pretending that we found ourselves when we haven’t

choosing to stay offended, allowing irritation and hatebreed

and sometimes I just want to exhale.

I wrote these various pieces of writings separately. I didn’t know I would join these pieces together for this post. But it works, and here is why.

A couple weeks ago, a lovely youtuber contacted me via instagram, inviting me to join a movement called Beneath The Surface. Basically, it is an invitation to be vulnerable, authentic and honest online. Something that I hope most of us yearn to do in this world populated by highlight reels and facetune. I’ll be honest, it’s been awhile since this offer was proposed, I just didn’t know at the time what to write about. You know how someone asks you “How are you?” and a million answers come to mind, yet “I’m fine, you?” are the only words that spill from your lips. That’s how it felt. I never want to go online and rant about my life, but I don’t want to go online simply to highlight the golden parts of the journey. I wrestled back and forth with wanting to post this, but in all honesty, sometimes we have to push ourselves to do things that make you very uncomfortable.

Kiersten Abernathy is a wonderful person full of light! She started this movement to make a change in the wave of media. I hope you check out her channel, her video introducing this movement is linked.


Where Fear Has No Grounds

I’ve used to be afraid to speak on topics that were prevalent to the current environment.

Let me rephrase that

I was afraid to speak my mind because I didn’t want people to get angry

No let me say it again

I was afraid of the opinions of people

I will to conquer that fear because I believe it’s a state of being I have no need to reside in

We create these possible outcomes that never actually happen and if they do, our reaction determines what happens next.

In chapter 4 in the book of Acts, Peter and John were put into custody for speaking about Jesus… and to be honest back then it felt like you could get stoned to death for just breathing incorrectly! They were taken by the Sadducees, who were kinda of like religious aristocrats (both Sadducees and Pharisees both had issues with Jesus while through out His ministry before crucification), and placed in custody, and then put before the council. These people did not care for what Peter and John were preaching about because the people were starting to believe in the Risen King. They asked them “By what power or by what name have you done this” (Acts 4:7)

I am really curious to know how Peter and John felt at that moment they were being questioned. What were their thoughts? At that moment, anything could have happened, they could be beaten, stoned, thrown in jail possibly. Did any of them doubt if they were doing the right thing and speaking the gospel? If they had any such thoughts, Peter’s reaction did not reflect them. Being filled with the Holy Spirit, He spoke:

“Rulers of people and elders of Israel: If we this day are judged for a good deed done to a helpless man, by what mans he has been made well, let it be known to you all, and to all the people of Israel, that by the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, whose you crucified, whom God raised from the dead, by  Him this man stands before you whole. This is the stone which was rejected by you builders, which has become the chief cornerstone. Nor is there salvation in any other, for there is no other name under heaven given among by which we must be saved.” (Acts 4: 8-12)


Isaiah 51:12 The Lord says “I, even I, am He who comforts you. Who are you that you should be afraid of a man who will die. And of the son of a man who will be made like grass?”

In the presence of God, fear has no grounds

When we are filled with love, fear has to hide

When we are filled with God, the darkness trembles.

Here is what I really want…

In my head I really like the idea of being a creative person, always having a trick up her sleeve, a talent many have yet to see. However, when I sit down, I spend more time trying to coax information out of my head than doing a word vomit on the page. I am tired of putting things off till tomorrow. I don’t know exactly what is ahead for me, but I do want to be sure that I am pursuing every opportunity that God graciously gives us to shine in our purposes and reflect his glory. Isn’t that something we should all pursue after for? Yet it is so disheartening to see so many people feel so inadequate that it prevents them from even asking the Lord what is their purpose. And then there are the people who know exactly what God has called them to do yet choose to ignore it because it doesn’t exactly flow with their logic. Logic fails so many people in this department because  it is the part of us that needs to surrender completely to God so we can clearly hear Him as He speaks to us. Our hearts need to be soft  and our minds like a sponge and just soak up all that God has to tell us about. Life can be one great adventure if we entrust our life into His hands. Another question that arises and I often have asked, How do I completely surrender everything to God? I mean is it just a one time flip of the switch process? Well, love no, it’s not. Each day runs with infinite possibilities. You get to choose how you will approach this day. Will you jump into with your strength or rely on God’s? Is it your agenda then God,  or is it God and then whatever comes after? Surrender our day to the Lord is a DAILY thing, and the more we continue to humbly come before the Lord before we jump into our day, the more natural it becomes to deny ourselves before the Gracious Father, who has plans to transform you, encourage you, teach you, build you up, love on you and so much more.

Yea this is a lesson that I am literally telling myself at this moment.